The Mess of Forgiveness should be The Peace of Forgave

As I sit here and think on one of the hardest aspects of being human I stand in aww of the amazing God that we serve.  Imagine an existence that God deemed a lie could never be forgiven or a fallen child of the kingdom will never have the ability to redeem our hearts and return?  Are you thinking WOW, just as I did as this thought surfaced in my mind?  Well in this I had a new respect for the word forgiveness and the clarity of it being an action word just as love is.  Bet you never thought of that, huh??  Lol

Sometime ago I dedicated myself to study the act of forgiveness and create a heart after God’s own heart.  I imagined myself in a place of transition: walking through an opened door in an ALL white garment with one leg that hadn’t stepped in yet with black pants and shoe on (that one leg).  I realized this spoke literally to the place I was in my life; wanting so badly to continue to live for God and grow in my spiritual walk yet still holding on to past grudges and hurt.  This was one of the hardest spiritual moments I’ve ever faced because I’ve always been told to forgive others for their transgressions but now I’m in a place wondering WHAT EXACTLY DOES THAT LOOK LIKE?? 

Well after studying the word, listening to spoken words that were right on time and even reading a book I realized I needed to first figure out how to be me.  See in the mist of my unforgiving heart I lost myself in those situations.  I’m typically a very caring individual yet in hurt I hid that based on the person.  These grudges were causing me to hurt myself spiritually and emotionally more than anyone else had done because in order to hold on to something you must continue to live in it.  Why do we choose to live in a painful place?  Are we really seeking healing?  These are questions I asked myself and I finally chose to heal. 

Forgiveness is defined as the act of letting go of negative emotions and choosing to change your feelings/attitude towards a situation in which you felt wronged.  Well the word ‘ACT’ is what I’ve been holding on to.  In my trek to forgive I decided that I must pray and even fast to understand so that my behavior will not be defined by the past.  I work each day to teach my heart how to heal by being myself more and more regardless of the person. 

I’m not where I want to be but I’m learning and progress has been made.  I was an absolute mess but the moment I learned how to really forgive, I mean really forgive I’m leaning more on the PEACE of forgave.

NOTE:  For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

– Matthew 6:14-15

Until next time.